The Judging and the Judged

Photo by Tingey Injury Law Firm on Unsplash

We Know The Adage

Don’t judge folks. We get told that all the time. But everyone knows full well that each person is being picked apart by the eyes of each other wondering where they fall in comparison. Some people make a point of crafting exactly what and who to put forth for others to judge with their beady eyes. Others work hard, molding a specific mask to hide the things they know would change where they fall on the ever-shuffling board of who is winning at life.

Guess which one I am? I am an average height, a little heavier than I should be. I am blonde, pale, blue eyes. I have hair down past my shoulders that I wear naturally. I wear jeans and t-shirts on a daily basis. Normal all-American girl.

I Have My Baggage

Except when I’m not. I’m gay. I grew up in the South in a super Christian conservative house in a rural small town. I learned real quick how to answer questions without answering them. “Too busy for dating. Working too hard.” I became super conscious of the vibe I gave off. Never allowed myself to wear rainbow colors, never allowed myself to hug other girls. Worked very hard to maintain a person I had created to keep me safe in a situation I couldn’t escape and I couldn’t face.

And I have an odd tendency. Or so some folks would say. I always wear long sleeves. I fought depression for years and am proud as hell that I survived without folding under the weight of the demons in my own mind. But the fight was real and it was bloody. There are scars on my arm to prove it. They have faded some now, more white than pink and not as raised up. But still, they are there and they scream of a past that I am meant to be ashamed of, of a secret that others do not want to know or face. So I wear long sleeves, a quirk of the person I created.

We All Have Secrets

But how many others of us are showing only the person we have created. The mom with the bad habit, the teacher with a past, the CEO with a secret. We curate personas and wear them well because that is what society expects of us. We hide. We hide who we are, what we did, and who we wish we were brave enough to be. But why?

Snap Decisions Are Built In

Because as much as we have all heard the absolute bogus phrase “Don’t judge a book by its cover” that is exactly what we do. We judge everyone and everything by what we see. Ratty car, low-class person. Nice suit, powerful job. Been in prison, dangerous. Religious leader, honest. And we all do it.

We Are Society

Those of us that seek the most not to be judged, pass judgment just as much as the next person. We cannot push this blame off on “society”. Well they judge so quickly. Or they never get to know a person. We are society. We are as much a part of the problem as everyone else.

And We Can Change It

We do not get to preach acceptance and spread judgment. Even those of us that have so much to gain from society learning to accept us, have to learn to accept others. Bout time we get to work.

Thanks for reading y’all.

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Mallory Elizabeth Baskin

Mallory Elizabeth Baskin

64 Followers

A Southern Girl trying to get good at this writing thing. Talking about being gay, getting better, and making life worth living. mallorybaskin.com