Too Heavy

A Poem About Shame

Photo by Ryan Loughlin on Unsplash

Shame is so heavy

That grey blanket on my shoulders
Cold, rough, and water logged
Dragging me down
A fight I can’t figure out how to win

“Speak better about yourself”
“Change your inner voice”
Irrelevant

I do not believe in myself enough
To put stock in what I say about me
The good or the bad
Both are easily discounted

It is not my voice
In my head that tightens the bindings
Pulls the garment closer
Makes it harder to breathe
Or to float

It is my family’s voice
My church’s voice
My country’s voice
I do not know how to turn it off

How do you stop believing what you hear
From people you believe
Not things you imagine or invent
But things you hear

Constantly replaying
And every statement adds to the burden
Soon I will be unable to tread water

The shame is too heavy